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Lost in Chiang Mai

12/30/2019

My husband and I just returned from an amazing vacation in Thailand. Before going, we collected information and advice from folks who have traveled there to prepare ourselves as best we could for what promised to be a very unique experience. On a friend’s advice, we downloaded a map program that we could use offline, which was a huge blessing since we couldn’t get cell service (another story, another time). After many hours of travel, we finally arrived at our B & B in Chiang Mai. After dumping our luggage, we set out to explore the city, confident we would find our way with the assistance of this map app. Our goal was to get to Old Town, the historical part of the city where most of the major temples were.

Now, my husband and I consider ourselves reasonably intelligent people, folks for whom reading a map shouldn’t be a challenge. However, somehow we misread the app, took a wrong turn and ended up pretty close to where we began. After hours of travel and little sleep, frustration and confusion erupted and almost derailed our excursion.

Isn’t that the way of life? As a young adult, I certainly set out to live my life with a plan, a road map, and with full confidence that I would fulfill all my goals. How very quickly life knocked me down, humbled my inflated ego and set me straight on the ways of the world. I really had no idea what I was doing and fumbled my way for a long time. I guess I didn’t have a very good map or I just stubbornly refused to read it correctly. Eventually I figured it out. It is only in hindsight that I can trace the wayward path that led to the wonderful life I live today.

Isn’t that also the way of our spiritual search? We learn as must as we can ahead of time, gather the information we think we need, set out in confidence, then find we are completely lost and start over (or maybe give up?). All along the way, we encounter fellow pilgrims on the road and seek advice and guidance. We swap stories and travelling tales and find familiarity and solace in other’s struggles. And every once in a while, a guide comes our way to direct, point out landmarks and help us find our way.

It seems to me that spiritual companioning is like that – a guide to help us read our spiritual map, identify landmarks and significant experiences, offer a legend to interpret signs and signals along the way and maybe even translate the new language we encounter. We each have our own individual map for our spiritual journey - that indwelling spirit within quietly nudging us into new territory – but often times we struggle to make sense of where we are being led or what the perils ahead might be. I find it comforting to know that there is someone I can turn to when I lose my way or take a wrong turn, someone to help me recalculate and find my way. I feel blessed to be able to offer spiritual companioning to others and a place for weary travelers to rest.

Back in Chiang Mai, my husband and I turned around, retraced our steps and found our direction. We figured out how to read the map, eventually arrived at Old Town and had a wonderful day – a little tired and bedraggled, but having experienced an adventure nonetheless. Welcome to Thailand!

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Spirituality - What is it??

11/14/2019

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Here at the Center, we talk a lot about how words or concepts like church, religion, denomination (pick any), etc. are barriers to people when it comes to talking about spirituality. But it occurred to me this morning that even the word spirituality could be a barrier. In fact, even though we throw that word around all the time, I don’t think we ever defined spirituality.

So what is it? The Oxford dictionary defines spirituality as “the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.” So, in essence, spirituality is a sense or belief in something bigger than ourselves and how we connect or interact with that something bigger. Everyone has a spirituality, whether we are aware of it or not. Everyone operates their lives from a value system, a set of beliefs about how life works.

Our spirituality is a core part who we are and who we are created to be. And yet, depending on our awareness, our lives may or may not reflect this spirituality. In my practice as a Spiritual Companion where I accompany folks in all walks of life, at all stages in life, I have found that when folks have an awareness of and desire/feel/foster a connection to their inherent spirituality, they experience a bit more peace and are able to move through life’s difficulties with just a bit less turbulence. From my own lived experience, my life, no matter how crazy the schedule is, is calmer and more spacious when I cultivate a connection with my inner spirit. And when I don’t, exhaustion, frustration and stress dominate my body and soul.

The awareness of how much our spirituality impacts our lives influences the mission of A Place To Be and in all we do, we strive to provide a space and place for the awareness of one’s spirituality to emerge and grow. We desire for everyone to experience the peace and spaciousness that comes from living out of our spirituality. We are here for you should you desire to connect more deeply with your own inner spirituality.

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Approaching the Burning Bush

6/13/2019

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After years of denying his authentic identity, Moses could no longer turn a blind eye to the reality before him.

One day, after Moses had grown up, he went out to his people and saw their forced labor. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his kinsfolk. He looked this way and that, and seeing no one he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand. Then Moses was afraid and fled from Pharaoh.

I have to say I am feeling a bit sorry for Moses at this point in the story. I mean, he is trying to live in two worlds without quite fitting into either one. Taken from his Hebrew family at an early age and thrust into the Pharaoh’s home, he wouldn’t be trusted by the Hebrew people and was probably rejected by the Egyptian people, no matter how much influence the Princess’ status bought him. I wonder if it wasn’t some deep need for authentic connection that drove him to protect his kinsmen in such a drastic way. Whatever it was, it drove Moses to commit murder and banished him into the wilderness.

The wilderness - barren, desolate and sparse. Moses wandered in an arid but
breathtakingly beautiful landscape for days on end with only himself and maybe a camel for company. Have you ever been in a desert? – no planes, trains or automobiles, no cell phone towers for electronic gadgets, no distractions.

I wonder what that time in the desert must have been like for Moses. Moses certainly had lots and lots of time to think in the silence of the desert. There wasn’t anything to get in the way of the inner arguments and replaying of hurts, insults and perceived slights. It kind of makes me think about that line from the first Shrek movie where Shrek tries to explain to the donkey that there is more to an ogre than meets the eye, “Ogres are like onions – they have layers.” Just like Shrek, the real Moses was buried under layers of false identity and cultural expectations, each carrying with it a particular voice in his mind. Slowly, over time, each voice demanded to be heard and understood before he could let it go and make room for the next one. What memories arose for Moses in that stillness? What helped him peel
off the layers of his Egyptian-imposed identities? At what point did he begin to remember who he really was: a beloved child of God? When did the space in his heart clear out enough for God’s quiet voice to be heard?

I don’t know what it was like for Moses, but I do know that for me it was horrible. It took years and years of hard, honest looking, deep listening, buckets of tears, and tremendous grace that looked like courage to face all that I thought I was, to realize that who I thought I was wasn’t who I really was at all and to be willing to get to know the person I was meant to be. Late in his life, Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung (1875 – 1961) wrote, “In my case Pilgrim’s Progress consisted in my having to climb down a thousand ladders until I could reach out my hand to the little clod of earth that I am.” Jung, a supposed unbeliever, knew that any authentic God experience takes a lot of humble, honest, and patient seeking.

This is the work Moses had to do to be able to hear God’s call. I believe that in those forty years in the desert, Moses re-acquainted himself with his Hebrew roots and finally embraced his true identity. I believe that in my desert experience, I finally got in touch with my authentic self. Only then, could I hear and respond to God’s call. Only then was I, like Moses, ready to approach the burning bush.

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God's Call, Part 1

5/24/2019

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This is the first segment of a series. I don’t yet know how many writings this topic will turn into, just that it is very present to me these days. Thank you for joining me in this journey!!

I’ve been really intrigued lately by the notion of a “call”; specifically, God’s call for our lives. In the Bible, a “call” is God’s invitation into relationship to restore unity and spread love. God always initiates but leaves the responding to us. When we are born, God gives us a particular identity and sets us on a particular course. We are endowed with abundant gifts which enable us to fulfill the purpose for which we were born. So what happens? I mean, I certainly did NOT live this authentic, purpose-driven life until fairly recently and, truth be told, still struggle to live it out today. So what is this call about and why is it so hard to hear? Let’s see if the story of Moses can lend some insight into these questions.

We don’t know a lot about Moses’ early life, the Bible only gives us a handful of verses. We do know that Moses was born into a Hebrew family and that his mother hid him among the reeds to save him from being killed. Pharaoh’s daughter found him and took pity on him. Desiring a son, she adopted him into her family. But first he needed to be weaned so she gave him back to his mother to be nursed. After several years, Moses was returned to the Princess where he grew up and prospered. Let’s pause there.

Moses was born into a Hebrew family and ended up living as part of that family for several years. His first identity, bestowed upon him at birth, was nurtured by those tasked with raising, protecting and caring for him during those vulnerable years. Wrapped in the security of his family, he came to know who he was as one of the chosen people of God. At the point he was “returned” to Pharaoh’s daughter, he already had a name and an identity. Now, we aren’t told his birth-given name, Scripture makes a point of noting that Moses wasn’t the name given to him by his mother. But surely his family called him by a name, by a treasured identity, which held significance. Then everything changed.

When the child grew up, [his mother] brought him to Pharaoh’s daughter, and she took him as her son. She named him Moses, because, she said, “I drew him out of the water.” (Ex 2:10)

Moving to the palace, Moses acquired a new name and began a very different life. Rescued from poverty, he grew up in opulence. No longer a slave, he received the best education and guaranteed status. Rising in the ranks of the Egyptian royalty, he was assured of a bright future. He grew up as an Egyptian, lived as an Egyptian, and thought of himself as Egyptian. Ignoring his Hebrew identity, Moses lived into a completely different culture, value system, and vision of the future. In many ways, as his name change foretells, he grew into a person vastly different than his birth identity.

Can you see all the parallels between Moses’ life and ours? We are born with a specific identity as beloved children of God and endowed with particular gifts to bring forth God’s calling for us. These gifts are nurtured and cultivated by family and friends; we are loved, cheered, challenged and encouraged to be kind, loving and compassionate. In the early years of our lives, the foundation is laid for us to live out our calling through the unfolding of our lives.

As long as we remain in the embrace of our first family, our authentic selves thrive. But about the time we head off to kindergarten, slowly but surely different voices begin to attract our attention. Like barnacles attached to a ship’s hull, roles and expectations hook into us, covering our original identity. We start conforming to friends, classmates, teammates, cliques, school and work cultures. Slowly, quietly, as we build our lives, societal and cultural expectations take over. The tasks of our life become building a career, starting a family, owning/maintaining a home and developing our social, cultural roles. In a myriad of undetected ways, our belief systems and outlook on life begins to align with the dominant culture and we succumb to the “isms” of the world. We get so caught up in worldly things, worldly events, that we don’t even realize we have lost sight of depth and meaning in our lives. We lose sight of who we are, the real, authentic us beneath all the roles and identities we have taken on. We have moved into the Pharaoh’s palace and have gotten caught up in the excitement, temptation, and indulgences of that lifestyle.

For me, I went to college, started my first career (one of many), bought a house, got married and built a life. I was convinced I was going to be wealthy and successful and leave the poverty and abuse of my childhood behind. When I didn’t succeed in one place, I quickly moved on to another confident that my smarts and resourcefulness would carry me. This version of myself left little room for compassion, humility or love. Somewhere along the way, I became so caught up in who I wanted to be, who I thought I was supposed to be, that I completely lost sight of who I was created to be.

But like Moses, the echo of our first identity never really leaves us. Moses never forgot his Hebrew roots – in fact, when he saw an Egyptian beating one of his kinsmen, Moses murdered him, thus ending whatever bright future he might have had in the Pharaoh’s kingdom. Fearing for his life, Moses fled into the wilderness.

Something drastic had to happen or Moses would never have left the palace. Moses would never have left the comfort and security of the palace without some major, cataclysmic event forcing a move. So it is with us.

Something really drastic has to happen to wake us up, to show us that who we are isn’t really who we wanted to be, and that we need a major course-correction for our lives. The trigger could look like divorce, a serious illness, death of a significant person, loss of a job and/or career – something so significant that it rattles us to our bones, in our deepest self, down into the soul. For me, my life had to completely fall apart before I woke up. Everything I believed about myself and my world shattered and fell into a million pieces around me: my marriage was failing, my career dead, my family estranged, and my friendships broken. I was full of anger, resentment, and bitterness and blamed everyone I could for all that had gone wrong – everyone except myself. Until one day I finally gave up, finally surrendered and fell into what felt like a pit of darkness.

Something has to break within us; we don’t or can’t make this move voluntarily and rarely without a whole lot of resistance. Why would we? It is far too comfortable a place for us to leave unless we are forced to. But something has to move us out of our palace and into the desert if we are to live out God’s calling for our lives.

If you are interested in exploring this in your own life, join us for our Teacup versus Tea: What is Your Cup Filled With? retreat. See below for details. (You can also register here.)

Next segment: Moses in the wilderness and his encounter with the burning bush.

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...Drumming and Other Things, by Kathy Walczyk

5/9/2019

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You may have seen me at the center. I come down from Green Bay on occasion and offer a class here or there. Last summer Kelly was cleaning and preparing the center for guests, for the opening of A Place To Be Spirituality Center. One day I came to give her a hand. Walking into that home, now the center, I felt a sense of safety and a sense that love resided there. I was put at ease. I feel that same sense of comfort each and every time I enter that sacred place. The center has become my home away from home.

This Saturday, May 11th from noon till 2pm, I am coming down with a group of drummers. We are not professionals. When I first joined the group, I knew nothing about drumming, was afraid to try, and couldn’t hold a beat to save my life. The group welcomed me in and taught me a few simple beats. It didn’t take long and I was drumming along with the rest of them. Our drum circle is made up of people from all walks of life and diverse talents.

On Saturday we will teach you a few beats if you are not familiar and invite you to join in at your comfort level. And, if you feel comfortable, you can teach us a few beats! If you have a drum, a flute, a ukulele, a singing bowl, or whatever, you can bring it along. If you don’t, we will have lots of drums and percussion instruments for you to try out. This is a light-hearted group with no agenda except to have fun together.

Drumming is another way to communicate with each other, a sacred song. As we drum our hearts begin to beat together. We naturally join together in community. There are no mistakes or off-beat drummers. Every tap, every breath, every heartbeat contributes to the song!

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The Power of Your Story

4/25/2019

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Every once in a while, I get asked to tell my story – folks want to know how it is that I came into this ministry. Though the question seems straightforward enough, the telling of that story has been an evolving process.

The stories we receive from our family, faith traditions, culture & society become the lens through which we view our lives; they have tremendous power over us, both consciously and unconsciously. Mine was one of broken family relationships, abusive situations and painful rejections. I saw my life through the lens of my anger and pain, and the tale I told reflected that.

I began to heal from the wounds of my childhood and grow in emotional and spiritual maturity (thanks be to God!), but the narrative stayed the same. One day, I started listening and found I didn’t like the story being told. I was stuck, imprisoned by the negative feelings and memories. I wanted to be free; I wanted to share my journey in a new, more positive way. The facts of my life hadn’t changed - the bad things that happened were still bad and the wounds hadn’t gone away - but I realized that I wanted to tell it in a way that was healing and restoration.

With the help of friends, I began reframing and retelling until my story went from a tale of brokenness and abuse to one of transformation and redemption. The facts and events, once the main theme, became part of a bigger story, a bigger narrative that led me here, to this ministry. I find that I really like this version of my story.

What is your story? How well does that story suit you? What is the story you desire to grow into? On Saturday, May 5th, join us for a day of reflection. Step into the Story of Your Life is an opportunity to reflect on, share, and vision the next step in your story. Join us as we attend to “the story that holds us” then move to construct “the story we hold,” then awaken to the realization that “we are being held.” I hope to see you there!

You can learn more and register here.

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Journeying through disorder

3/28/2019

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I’ve been reading a lot of Richard Rohr lately. In one of his recent reflections, he says “to grow toward love, union, salvation or enlightenment, we must be moved from Order to Disorder and finally to Reorder.” Order is when everything feels safe and certain. We have an unshakable, satisfying explanation of how things work and tend to see our status quo as appropriate for everyone. Then something happens; we lose a job, a loved one dies, your child comes out of the closet – something shatters your safe, secure world view. This tension feels very uncomfortable as many of the things we hold as truth are called into question. Certitudes and belief systems break down and nothing feels safe or right. There is a natural tendency to run away from this inner turmoil, to get back to our safe, secure world so we tend to grab control and build walls for protection. Yet there is another option; we can hold the tension long enough for it to reveal what must be let go of, what must be reframed, what must be Reordered and in that Reordering, we grow toward love and union with God, our true selves and each other.

I feel like the world is in a state of Disorder. Duh, right? We have lost our sense of safety and security, we no longer have a sense of what is true and right, our belief systems have broken down and we are left shaken and confused. Everywhere we look, it seems, there is chaos – crazy storms wreaking havoc, traditional religious institutions closing in or breaking down, socio-economic gap ever widening, and in our government… need I say more? This sense of uncertainty and chaos is certainly felt on the personal level. Individuals and groups feeling the rejection by our institutions with nowhere to go with the hurt and pain, anger leading to unbelievable violence and destruction, families crumbing because of abuse or divorce, and an increase in addiction and substance abuse as we seem to have lost our identity.

I have seen this pattern in my own life. As I reflect on my spiritual journey and begin to share more and more of my story, the pattern emerges. It seems whenever I have obtained a sense of Order with all its safe, secure, warm and fuzzy feelings, the rug gets pulled out and my life is thrown into Disorder. So often I have run away, not understanding how important holding the Disorder was. It wasn’t until I was given a safe container to hold the Disorder that I realized how much it had to teach me. Little by little, I gave myself permission (with the support of a marvelous Spiritual Companion) to hold the Disorder and listen, to let go and forgive, to allow my true self to emerge, and to Reorder my life. As Leonard Cohen (1934 – 2016) put it, “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” This cycle has happened over and over again and each time I sink deeper into God.

So I believe that is the invitation before us today – to allow, as best we can, the Order to break down enough to let God’s light in. There is no way around it if we want to grow – we must go through the Disorder, not under, over or around, in order to transcend it. Often, we need help to do this. A Place To Be has wonderful Spiritual Companions ready to journey with you through the chaos. You do not have to walk that path alone.

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Leadership Retreat

2/6/2019

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On a cold Saturday in January, A Place To Be Leadership Team gathered to pray, reflect, and discern about our own spirituality as well that of the Center. We began by reflecting on our personal relationship with God, how we would like that relationship to grow and what we could do to foster that growth. We collected words such as: dependent, longing, distracted, struggle, grateful, acceptance, communion, presence, humility, diversity and support.
We then were asked to think about our vision for the Center. In what ways were we intentional about bringing that vision about? What impact do we want the Center to have on our guests, on the greater community? After quiet reflection and deep listening, both to ourselves and each other, we collected words that offered our vision (see below).
From the discussion of our shortcomings, we identified many next steps and initiatives to help us achieve that vision. Many of these you will see in the upcoming months; some might be more subtle but will hopefully be felt. Always open to the movement of the Spirit, we welcome input and suggestions to help us grow into this vision.
Finally, we were asked to quietly reflect on the day overall and identify a word or phrase that arises. These words and phrases were then written onto ribbons and randomly distributed among the team to remind us of our commitment to the vision and to pray with as we strive to meet the challenges coming. The ribbons help us to remember: all are welcome, progress, respect, loving acceptance, presence, peace, surrender, beauty, silence, love, open, community, fellowship, sharing, calling, listening, hospitality, God is with us. Amen.

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Our Oneness

11/14/2018

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Last night at the Center, we watched the movie With One Voice, a documentary that explores the unity of humanity, reveals our essential oneness and spreads the single message that binds all faiths together. Spiritual leaders from 15 different religious traditions were invited to share their experiences of the Divine and how their particular religious tradition taught about peace and love, especially in relation to our world. One overarching theme was spoken over and over again: we are all part of the same oneness. Regardless of your skin color or religious affiliation, we all experience anger, shame, frustration and stress. We all feel love, compassion, gratitude and awe. These experiences and feelings are universal among all human beings and transcend differences that really exist only at the surface level.

This message resonated deep within me – it seems every book I read or speaker I listen to or webinar I watch lately alludes to this same message – we are one. We are one. We are all spirits seeking connection to something bigger than our small selves and the small world we confine ourselves to. We are all seekers mining for meaning in a senseless world of consumerism, rampant tribalism, and runaway abuses where we are battered by both natural and man-made disasters and acts of violence. We are all yearning for the same peace in our lives.

When I reflect on things this way, I can very easily tire of how our religious institutions, including the Catholic Church, spend an enormous amount of time and resources defining our separate identities and separating ourselves from each other. Just as division and tribalism are the addiction of our society, our religious institutions thrive on defining identity and narrowly focusing in on praxis unique to our specific traditions as if that alone defines who we are as Catholic, Lutheran, Muslim, Buddhist, etc. If Jesus’ teaching is so countercultural (as we believe and teach), why do we fall prey to the cultural tendencies of division and separateness?

Because of my recent reading, viewing, and watching, I believe that a different dialogue is taking place beyond the borders of our churches. I see a movement toward embracing the one universal truth as a starting point for inter-spiritual relationship. By focusing on what we all have in common and how to nurture and cultivate that awareness rather than that which separates us, we grow relationships and community. The very energy around this more accepting and inclusive spirituality feels softer, gentler, more loving than the energy in our faith communities today.

Make no mistake, I love my Catholic faith and community. My spiritual identity and experience of the Divine is deeply rooted in the Catholic traditional. But as we, like most religious traditions, grapple with our struggling communities, I can’t help but wonder what would happen if we shifted our focus away from solidifying our Catholic identity toward recognizing our universal identity as children of the Creator. I wonder what would happen if, instead of the us-versus-them approach to evangelization, we banded together as believers of one Divine being with one voice, worked together to bring more love into the world. Now that truly would be countercultural.

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Forgiveness isn't for wimps

9/24/2018

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I received an email from my mom the other day informing me that the husband of my adopted sister Cathy had died suddenly. Images of the last time I saw Cathy, over ten years ago at a family party, filled my memory. I strained to recall what little I knew of her – oh yeah, mom said she married. I actually knew very little about her except for the occasional unsolicited updates from my parents. Reading the email, I felt nothing inside.

Cathy and her brother entered our lives when I was six; my entire world turned upside down. My parents were ill-prepared for the brokenness of children who were horribly abused by their birth parents and left emotionally, psychologically, and mentally traumatized. Sadly, our family collapsed under the weight of it all – my siblings and I scattered and hid best we could to escape the pain of our shattered life. They did the best they could, my parents; they just didn’t have the tools in their toolbox.

I’ve spent most of my life working through the rejection, abuse, and anger endured as a consequence of my broken family. So when I read the news of Cathy’s pain, I sadly felt absolutely nothing.

In feeling that nothing, though, I realized I also didn’t feel anger or resentment or that “whatever” feeling I get when I really don’t want to deal with something. The nothing wasn’t a hardened nothing but a soft, gentle space. I realized that I had let all the pain go, the deep wounds finally healed. I began to see Cathy as a person, a person who just lost the love of her life, a person who lost one of the few people who treated her with genuine love. I saw her as someone who has struggled her entire life to find a place in this world, who finally found it only to lose it again. As I opened my heart further, I began to feel Cathy’s sadness and overwhelming grief. Out of that sadness and grief, I could reach out and send my condolences.

I don’t know if I will ever see Cathy again – she is now living down south near her kids. I do know that if I do, I can embrace her with genuine affection. I have complete, deeply, and lovingly forgiven and let go.

So if you are struggling with forgiveness – I get it. I wish I had a quick, easy remedy to help, but unfortunately I don’t. It’s no easy thing to let go of a deep, long-lasting wound. The world wants us to forget, to get over it, but we never forget - ever. Instead, I can now reflect on those events and see how they have shaped me into who I am today. There is where I meet God. Gradually, ever so slowly, I have handed over my pain and have been set free.

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